Okay here goes. I am a firm believer of “give me the facts and I’ll deal with the feelings.” Which I learned from my bestie.
My post before this one stated I was feeling overwhelmed. I always say we should never be so Heavenly bound that we’re no earthly good. I allow myself to be human and talk to myself about how I’m feeling. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. I never agreed with the cliche “I’m too blessed to be stressed. ” If that was the case there would have been no reason for Psalm 61:2. That being said I had a conversation with God after my fb post this morning. It was very short and precise. With tears I simply said to Him, “Lord thy will be done.” This is where I am right now I don’t want to ask you for anything. Based upon my relationship with you, you always hear me when I pray and grant my desire. Looking back over my life and even just recently. I rather just asked for your will and not what I want or desire. SIDE BAR:For all you deep people, I am well aware of what the Bible says about asking. However I have matured in God to a place where now I know and understand what it is to ask for His will and accept whatever it may be. If my grandmother was alive Overseer Lucille Speight I would tell her mama I finally got it. She told me that I would get to a place in my life if I remained in God where I would learn to pray for His will.
I have a lot going on in my life right now as many of you also. I’m just very careful not to allow it to affect my relationship with my Savior and allow myself to go into depression and stay too long. Like anyone else I too go through. I’m not in just one storm right now I have a few of them. I’m just determined none of them will take me out. PPL you have to be honest with what you’re feeling. It’s okay to be human. Being human is not a sign of weakness or lost faith in God. It’s admitting and recognizing that His strength is made perfect in our weakness . We need God and we must trust Him. Yesterday I told my bestie Christine Stewart, I just need God to let me know what His will is because I don’t want to miss it and whatever it is I’m willing to accept it. That conversation was over. This morning I awoke happy to be alive although, I was still feeling overwhelmed and once again admitted it.
Since my post this morning I received a phone call from Fordham University. When the young lady asked me how was I feeling today. I immediately, unknowingly began to sob and ask her to give me a moment. I didn’t know why she was calling but her asking me how I was feeling just made me realize how overwhelmed and distressed I was feeling. I began to tell her my desire to complete my education and graduate May 2020. How I have been in school since 2012. However I didn’t have the funds necessary to do so. She empathized with me and told me that’s why she was calling me. She placed me on hold and came back to the line. When she returned she said I have just spoken to the Director of the MSW program. First I want to congratulate you on receiving all A’s for your classes this Fall semester for Session 1. ( I didn’t know I received A’s, I hadn’t checked yet). I also have good news for you. You will be able to register for your classes for the Spring and you will be able to graduate May 2020. The only catch is you will be responsible to pay the tuition back and you may not be able to get your transcript or licensure right away. However you are in great standing and you have no holds on your account CONGRATULATIONS!
Part 2: I need 600 hours of internship to graduate as well. I have been seeking internship since September I have already missed two months. Naturally I was concerned when I would receive an internship and how would I complete 600 hours?
An hour ago I received an email from an interview that I attended and was told I was accepted for the internship and I will be starting on Tuesday. Like I said I have a lot of storms going on right now but these two have passed Victoriously!!!
My antidote for victory is
I never lost my faith. I never lost my focus and I allowed myself to be human and ask only for God’s Will.
TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY HALLELUJAH!!!